Shart Week

Shipley & Halmos co-designer Jeff Halmos chronicles his transition from guy about town to first-time father — as well as the way his new son goes #2.

That's a nice sweater — watch out for low-flying objects!

Well, it’s official.  About two days after my introductory post, I worked a shift at the S&H pop-up shop, came home, fixed myself a Manhattan, and settled in on the couch to watch a movie with Lisa (my wife). Around 10 pm, she started saying she’s having some contractions. I didn’t think anything of it, figured it’s just in her imagination since the baby wasn’t due for another week. 11 hours later, I became a dad for the first time. Crazy. Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been keeping a little diary of some observations. Below are a few key entries. Don’t worry, I’m leaving out anything and everything relating to the actual birthing process. That’s something you’ll have to experience for yourself!

Life as a parent begins by being tired. The baby was born in the morning, the whole middle of the day was a blur. But what I specifically remember was when the nurse wheeled in the baby at night and said, “OK, we’ll come get him again at 7 am for his morning checkup.” Just like that, it’s on. No break, no rest, no instruction manual. Here’s your baby, figure it out.

Babies can cry loud. At times, really REALLY loud. The first night we got him home, I remember laying in bed around 3 am, the screams were echoing through my head. I imagined what I must have looked like, half asleep, hoping he’d stop without having to get up. With that, I chuckled to myself due to the irony of the whole situation, then dragged myself out of bed.

I was expecting to be so exhausted that I’d wear the same outfit 10 days in a row. It’s actually been quite the opposite.  He usually wakes up around 6 or 6:30 am. I’ll change his diaper then pass him off to my wife, the food provider. That basically gives me plenty of time to shower, get dressed, walk the dog, eat breakfast, do laundry (so much damn laundry!), and have a generally relaxing morning before heading to work.

Every time a baby goes #2 it’s in “shart” form. Very audible. Thus the title of this story. Other options included Shart Tank (favorite TV show), Shartcuterie (favorite food), or Sharter McGavin (favorite character from a movie), the latter being his nickname.

I’ll be submitting another round of commentary in the coming weeks.  Stay tuned.

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